Sunday, August 8, 2010

Sono Bello can kiss the ass that I'm NOT getting lasered off

I've always had a curvier figure. I have wide hips, larger thighs, a large chest, a butt, etc. And with a curvy figure comes the daunting task of finding clothes that fit. Jeans flatten out my rear end because there simply isn't enough room back there for my tush. Button-up shirts gap at my boobs, if they even button at all. It's almost impossible to find clothes that not only fit correctly but also look flattering.

Shopping is frustrating. Women's clothes are made for women who are very thin, no hips, no butt, no breasts. If you look like this, then clothes shopping would be a breeze. But for the majority of women who are more shapely, it's a nightmare.

When I was in the car one day, a radio commercial came on. A woman started narrating her troubles about being curvy (not fat, just curvy), and not being able to find any clothes that fit. Immediately, my ears perked up and I was listening with interest. She was going on and on about how she hated shopping because nothing fit right- if pants fit in the waist then they were too small in the hip area. I couldn't agree more. This woman was speaking to me and millions of other curvy women out there! I was eager to hear where this lead. Here she was complaining about clothes not being made to fit real women, so I was anticipating her to pitch some new, great clothing line that changed all that. I was getting excited. Could it be? I thought. Clothes are actually being made to fit women? Yes! Yes! Yes! Where do I buy these clothes? I want them!!!

But of course, I was all wrong. She went on to advise that curvier women should just get our shape removed via laser fat removal. Then we can fit into clothes. That's the solution. Alter our figures to fit into clothes.

I was pretty pissed off after hearing this commercial. I called up my friend Stevie to vent. Not only was I offended, but I was heartbroken that there wasn't a new clothing line coming out. That damn ad got me so giddy about it, and just pulled the rug from right underneath me.

When I told her about the ad, she was disturbed. She summed the problem up quite eloquently:

"Shouldn't clothes be made to fit people, not people made to fit into clothes?"

Yes. Clothes should be made in all shapes and sizes. Women should not have to have her hips and butt burned off so she can wear pants.

Furthermore, I've noticed a lot of disgustingly fat men walking around these days. How about you promote your product to them? And how about you stop making women feel like shit about their weight and shape just so you can sell them a solution.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Breast discrimination


Last night, I started crying in the dressing room of Nordstrom. I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. The preceding weeks were emotionally draining and stressful. I had been searching high and low for a nursing bra that fit, and had no success. So when I was at Nordstrom, trying on my last and final hope for a well-fitting bra, and it didn't work out, I broke down.

I had a baby a month ago. I am breastfeeding. I need a nursing bra. But apparently, only women with smaller breasts can get bras that fit. Women with fuller breasts are basically screwed, because only a handful of nursing bras are even made in larger sizes, and if those don't fit your body type or breast shape, too bad. (It is a lot easier to find a bigger cup size if you're band size is 36 or more, but if you have a smaller frame like me, forget about it.)

The thing is, women's breasts usually get pretty big when they are nursing. So one would think that nursing bras would be made in bigger sizes, to accommodate the majority of nursing mothers. Too bad that's not the case. I went to multiple Nordstroms, a specialty bra shop in Tacoma, a specialty maternity bra shop in Seattle, and several online stores. And guess what? Only a handful of bras were made in my size. And ALL of those bras were at least $70.

I bought a bra at Nordstrom and had to return it because the underwire kept rolling under my boobs. I ordered a smaller band size, and the underwire still rolled. I ordered a bra online that was supposed to be my size but fit very small. I bought two bras (for $170)out of desperation at the specialty shop in Seattle because I needed something. But neither of them had any support, and when your breasts are heavy with milk, support is important.

I went to Tacoma and tried on every nursing bra, in multiple sizes, hoping to find something. It was a nightmare. Everything was ill-fitting.

I went to another Nordstrom and tried on the only style of bra there was left. The straps dug into my shoulder blades. And it wasn't because it was the wrong size, it was because the bra sucked. This is when I lost it.

It's really sad that I am forced to wear an uncomfortable nursing bra because that's all there is out there. It's even more unfair that I have to pay at least $70 for it. If my breasts were really little, I'd have 1,000 times more options, and could pay $20.

And it's not like I have freakishly big boobs. Every bra salesperson I talk to says that tons of women have my bra size. So why aren't there more bras in bigger sizes if there is a demand? I asked this very question to a local bra maker and designer, and she told me exactly why.

She said that it's harder and more expensive to make bras for bustier women, because the breasts need more support. It's a lot easier to design and manufacture small bras that offer little support, so that's what is made. And because that's all that is really out there, most women don't know how a bra is supposed to fit. Women are squeezing into bras that are way too small, because that's all they can find. I was told that bra manufacturers take advantage of the fact that women do not know their true bra size, and just keep making small bras because it's cheaper for them. Just as long as they keep making smaller bras, women will only have that selection to choose from, and they just take the closest fit, given their options.


Personally, I didn't know for years what bra size I actually was. I would wear a 36 C, and I am really a 32 E (when I am not nursing). But 36 C is the closest fit I could find. And when you say you have an E cup, that sounds so huge, but it's really not. When women are professionally fitted, the average cup size is a DD. Most women wear a DD, but try finding that size at Target or Kohls or Fred Meyer if you are less than 36 inches around your rib cage. Women who think they have really small boobs assume they are an A cup, but when fitted professionally, discover they are actually a C cup.

And for those women who have average or above average breast size- and actually know their correct size- they are forced to pay the big bucks for a correct fit. Bras are seriously $70 or more. If you're an A or B or even a C cup, your boobs are smaller than average and you can get a bra for $12.99. And you can go to any department store and have hundreds to choose from. But this isn't a luxury most women have. Most women wear bras that don't fit, or pay a lot of money to get ones that do fit.

Frankly, it's really fucked up that women are treated like this. All I want to do is breastfeed in comfort, but I guess that's too much to ask. I have these options: 1) underwire rolling under my breasts and pinching my breast tissue, 2) too small and smashing my boobs down and possibly causing infection, 3) no support so my very heavy breasts are painfully hanging off my chest, or 4) straps digging into my flesh. And all of these options are super pricey. But I have to pick one, so what do I do?

Women with average or larger breasts deserve representation. We deserve to wear our real sizes, and we shouldn't have to pay 5 times more money for it. I shouldn't have to look into breast reduction surgery because I can't find a bra that fits.

A year ago in London, women protested paying more for larger bras. I think women in this country need to have the same kind of movement, but also protest the lack of options as well as the price. The bottom line is, bustier women deserve correct fitting bras as reasonable prices.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

"you guys"

For awhile now, I have tried very hard not to use the phrase "you guys" when speaking to a group that includes at least one woman. Obviously, women are not "guys" and I don't find this phrase to be gender neutral. You certainly wouldn't walk up to a group of all men, or even a group with one man, and say, "hey gals."

A lot of words and phrases that are used for both men and women are really only male appropriate: mankind, chairman, fireman, etc. However, they are used to describe both men and women. Funny how all "gender neutral" words and phrases are all male related.

I was reading an article (On Language: You Guys by Audrey Bilger) and she discussed this very problem. A few things she wrote that really resonated with me, and summed up the problem with the phrase "you guys" are as follows:


"Calling women 'guys' makes femaleness invisible. It says that man-as in a male person-is still the measure of all things."

"Most of us are familiar with the idea of internalized oppression, the
subtle process by which members of disenfranchised groups come to accept their own lesser status. We need to recognize that accepting 'guys' as a label for girls and women is a particular insidious example of that process."


She also included a quote from Alice Walker that addresses the argument of "lighten up" or "who cares?"

"I see in its use some women's obsequious need to be accepted, at any cost, even at the cost of erasing their own femaleness, and that of other women. Isn't it at least ironic that after so many years of struggle for women's liberation, women should end up calling themselves this?"

Possible alternatives: you all or folks

If you would like to spread the word about this and help inform others who say it, you can print out a small card from www.youall2.freeservers.com. The card has basic information about the problem with the phrase, and can be left at establishments where it is said. For instance, if your server at a restaurant says "you guys" to a group that is not all men, you could leave a card at your table.