What would a matriarchal society look like?

What if we lived in an opposite society, where everything was backwards and matriarchy ruled? Gender roles would be switched, and women would have the upper hand...

First, men would labor endlessly to look good for women. Their devotion to physical attractiveness would know no ends. Men would work out incessantly so their bodies would be tight and toned. They would spend hundreds of dollars a month on beauty supplies that keep them looking gorgeous and young. Then they would wake up early every morning to apply their beauty products to impress women, and of course, other men. They would spend a few hundred dollars getting their hair cut and colored every 6 weeks also. No amount of time or money spent on beauty would be considered too much.

And on the flip side, women would roll out of bed, take a shower, and be ready to go in about 10 minutes total time. And this would be normal. Nobody would think we looked like slobs, because showering would be the only real prerequisite for looking good. Granted, we would have to throw some clothes on, but that would be the extent of our "getting ready."

Then us women would go to our high paying jobs, where men worked below us, or beside us but for less money. We would demean these men by calling them "sweetie" or "honey" in the workplace. But of course, we would respect our fellow female workers, whom we would refer to by their names. We would also watch these men compete with one another in a caddy way. They would be conditioned to battle for female approval. Men would talk bad about each other and belittle one another about things such as weight and attractiveness. "He's gotten so fat." "Did you see him without any make up on? So gross!" "He really needs to whiten his teeth."

We would come home from work and watch our husbands clean the house, make dinner, and take care of the children. We would likely retreat to our "woman cave" or "woman den," which would be a designated area of the house that excluded men. This is where we would go to relax with our friends, and talk about men as if they are objects instead of people.

We women would be in our "woman cave" and watch general comedies. Or any movie for that matter. Because most movies would have very attractive men, with very little clothing. We would see huge, erect penises all the time, and for no reason. It wouldn't be to further a movie plot, but just thrown in there to sexually amuse women. No matter what movie we decided on, you could bet there would be some great eye candy. But that would make sense, because that would be a man's purpose- to look good for us and be our own personal sex toys.

As women, we'd go out with our female friends to speedo contests or wet brief contests. We'd see men walking around a stage in small amounts of clothing, showing us why they deserve our attention. Most of these men would have had "male enhancement" surgery too. Because natural penis size is not good enough. We would want our men unnaturally super sized. Enduring surgery and paying thousands of dollars for physical beauty isn't asking too much. Men would like doing it, right? It would give them the confidence to compete in those wet brief contests, where we would hose down men and judge them on who had the bigger package.

The world would even watch men compete in beauty pagents. We would toss some college money their way, but they would have to look good to earn it. I can see it now- men parading around a stage in barely anything, so we could judge their bodies on a scale of 1-10. We'd also judge them on how handsome they looked in a tux, and maybe a few other things so the contest wouldn't be completely demeaning. But remember, no unattractive man could compete in the first place, and in the end, it's all about looks. That's who deserves scholarship money- the best looking man. A man's most valuable assett is his looks, and we musn't forget it.

I might even drive through a coffee stand, where I am served my espresso by a young man in speedos. And I will go get some chicken wings served to me by men with their penises hanging out of their underwear. And I'd go get my haircut at a place where men wear super sexy outfits to sexually arouse me. I might even get my house cleaned by bottomless male house cleaners. The bigger the penis, the bigger the tip. Ahh...how great to have men going to any possible length to please women. Society has taught them their role, and they obey it. No questions asked.

Women would be expected to sleep with many men. That's what men would be there for- our sexual pleasure and not much else. Men, on the other hand, would be ridiculed and ostracized by society for sleeping with too many women. These men would have horrible reputations, have lies spread about them, and be an outcast. They would endure the pressure to be sexy, but not actually be sexual.

Now, as women, we might even want to tap into the prostitution market. Why not pay for sex? Again, that's what men would be there for- our sexual pleasure. This way we could just use a man very quickly for our sexual gratification, and be done with him. Boys, of course, would be very high in demand. A woman would have to pay top dollar for a 12 year old. Would it bother us that most of these boys and men are sex slaves? No. Would it bother us that women found vulnerable young boys, told them they were our boyfriends, and then days later, forced them into prostitution? Would we care that these boys and men are being held against their will, beaten, and forced to have sex with us? Not really. We don't want to know any of the sticky details, like sexual slavery, drug addiction, and prior childhood sexual abuse. We just want to get laid.

In fact, brothels around the world would serve women. We would have boys and men standing behind glass windows, as we looked and picked which one we wanted to rape. After all, they would just be males. An inferior gender. Good for nothing but sex.

Politics would be reserved for women. If a man tried to run for office, ha! We would all scoff and laugh about how he's not equipped for politics because he is a man. Men are just too aggressive and violent by nature to be in control of anything. They don't deserve representation. So when they do run, we will judge them on their looks and wardrobe instead of their qualifications. No one will take a male candidate seriously. I mean, he'd be a man. He should be focused on his family life and clothing. He wouldn't have time to be in charge. And if was a strong, outspoken man...watch out. He would be the asshole of the century. We'd expect our men to be soft spoken and demure. Anything else would be too much like a woman. And we like our gender roles. Men are pansies and women are strong and in charge. Nothing else would make sense.

To top things off, we would give men self-esteem issues from as early an age as possible. He would see nothing on TV but thin, buff men. Anorexia and steroid abuse would be sky high for young boys. Every media outlet would be shoving beauty images down their throat, which would serve as training manuals for how men should look. Weight watchers would be targeted at men only, because being "hot" after 40 would be a man's main priority. Lookin' good-what else would there be? Add Botox, tummy tucks, liposuction and various implants in there too. Men will need those tools to keep up their image.

This could go on and on, but it isn't necessary. This matriarchal world is fucked up. It's degrading and dehumanizing to an entire gender. This pretend world is just like the world we live in now, except women are the ones being dehumanized.

Women aren't allowed to age!

How many anti-aging cream commericals have you seen lately? And how many advertisements have you seen while flipping through "women's" magazines? Or just what about walking through the lotion/ face-wash section at the store?

Anti-aging products are everywhere, but, they are only meant for women. When is the last time you saw an anti-aging skin cream commercial or ad with a man in it? I never have.

Meaningful Beauty is a higher end product that was originally created to keep Cindy Crawford from aging. Then Crawford convinced the doctor who made it to bottle it up in bulk and sell it to all women who don't want to look older. (I've seen this infomerical too many times.) Then male Dr. Jean Louis Sebagh comes on and plugs his product. But wait- he has wrinkles! What? Apparently, he doesn't feel it necessary to use his own product, because men can age. It's OK. His product is for women.

Here's a big middle finger to Dr. Jean Louis Sebagh, who prays on female insecurity that's been developed through sexist beauty standards. Men can just be, but women have to go to endless lengths to remain youthful and attractive. F off.

Group Health Cooperative has sexist ads

Every time I am driving in the car I hear a Group Health radio commercial. The first one I heard was offensive. Then the next one I heard was offensive. And then I heard a third one that was offensive.

The first one I heard was about a guy with amnesia. He didn't remember anything, but his Group Health nurse was able to access all of his files to tell him his name, what he is allergic to, etc. Then the man said, "I don't even remember by wife's name...oh man, she is going to kill me!" Then the nurse says that his files say he is single, and points out that he isn't wearing a wedding ring. Well, this is the greatest news of his life, as he screams with pure joy, "I'm free! I'm free!" Because of course a man is a prisoner in marriage. He is a slave once he says '"I do." Poor men. Women are such a drag to be with.

The second one I heard was about a girlfriend suspecting her boyfriend of cheating. Being the stereotypical snoop, she was searching through his phone for some kind of evidence. She questioned him about every female number that was in his phone. "Who is this...who is this...?" she kept nagging. And he had legitimate excuses for all of the numbers. One was a personal trainer for instance. And one of the late night phone calls was to Group Health, not another woman. The commercial ended with her asking about one last number, to which he nervously responded, "give me the phone." So either he was actually hiding something from her, or he was just annoyed with her questioning. However you want to look at it, the woman is the antagonist. She is paranoid, obsessive and annoying. She is the stereotypical girlfriend, and the stereotypical woman for that matter. All women are nags, and this nagging is sooooo obnoxious for men to put up with. Even if there is a legitimate reason for questioning, it's still sooooo obnoxious. Again, poor men. How do they put up with us? We are just so uptight and annoying.

The third one was about a man (of course, that's who they portray as their customers) who is talking to his doctor about some medical problems he is having. The symptoms are bleeped out so that we don't hear what he has because it's probably too gross. Then the doctor said something or other about where he got such a medical problem, and I don't remember the exact wording, but it was insinuated that he got a nasty STD from overseas. Those damn Asain prostitutes. Those damn sex slaves...being forced to service 40 men a day. It's no wonder this nice man contracted something. Poor men.

I am sure that these commercials don't offend a lot of people that listen to the radio, because we are conditioned to accept woman bashing as the status quo. It's normal. We don't know any different. I mean, the ball and chain wife, the nagging girlfriend, the Asain prostitute. These are all things our society laughs about. Hahaha. It's so funny to belittle women.

Rape simulation computer game

I just heard about "RapeLay," a Japanese rape simulation PC game. Just the words "rape simulation" made me want to punch a hole through the wall, but then, I read the actual premise of the game. Now my blood is really boiling.

Basically, as the 'player,' you are a male rapist. You enjoy molesting pretty women on the subway, but one of the women turns you into the police. After spending some time in jail, you are out for revenge. Your goal is to rape her and her family.

You begin the game by following that woman on the subway. While on the train, you molest her against her will. Although she is fighting your advances, her arousal meter increases, as if she is actually enjoying the violation. After you both get off the train, you stalk her, and then rape her in a park. After raping her, you need to photograph her naked with semen all over her body. When you do this, you have advanced to the next level.

You have now been given the opportunity to rape her mother and little sister as well. The mother also gets molested on the subway. But now you get to rape her in a dirty bathroom. When you get to the younger sister, who is about 10-years-old, you get to rape her in her bed next to her teddy bears. The camera zooms in on her face, with her eyes swollen, as she can't stop crying.

And because two of the women are both virgins, you break their hymens and there is blood.

Once all three women have been raped, you are now allowed to rape whichever woman you want, wherever you want, and in several new positions. There are also several challenges to complete, such as making one of the women swallow semen three times. The more challenges you complete, the more the women will submit to the rape.

Now every time you ejaculate inside a woman, there is a chance she can get pregnant. If she does, you are then to force her to get an abortion. The longer the abortion takes, the bigger and bigger the baby will grow. And if the women ends up giving birth, she will push you in front of a train and your life is over. So it's important to force that abortion on her.

You also have the option of inviting your friends to join in on the raping.

WHAT THE HELL? This game made $100 million since 2007. Even worse, people defend this game. I have been reading comments that say things like, "I would rather have men play video games about rape than actually raping women," and "I'm not a fan of the game, but anything that makes the hate-group known as American Feminism (like Equality Now) upset makes me happy." One entire discussion board about the game was nothing more than feminist bashing.

How much more can we take as women? I say, enough is enough. When people find rape and violence against women an acceptable form of entertainment, that's where we have to take a stand. For people to support this game, and bash the women who oppose it, we know our society is in trouble. There is a game about violently raping women and girls, yet feminists are the evil ones? How did our culture get so far out of hand? How has rape become OK, and women's rights become the worst thing in the world.

If you don't call yourself a feminist yet, what are you waiting for? It's time to demand respect for ourselves and fight for equality. Women aren't rag dolls to be tossed around and raped and beaten. We need to send a clear message: we are united and we aren't going to put up with this shit.

Cosmo's rules for being a great girlfriend

Every woman knows, keeping your man happy is an important job, even if it means sacrificing your own needs to please him. We must bend over backwards for our boyfriends, so they will like us, be faithful, and if we are lucky, they will one day marry us.

To be a good girlfriend, we must shed our own personalities, and adapt to whatever our boyfriend wants us to be. But how do we do that? Well, it's easy. Just follow Cosmo's rules for being a "good girlfriend." These rules were advertised on MSN lifestyle, so that every woman who visits MSN can benefit from this advice.

Good Girlfriend Behavior: Do This, Not That
By Bethany Heitman

Every girl knows the golden relationship rules — like tell your guy how great he makes you feel, not how amazing your ex was. But there are other guidelines that aren't so obvious. Behold, the ultimate cheat sheet for being a great girlfriend.

Hanging with the Guys
Do This: Watch the game with his friends.Spending an afternoon on the couch with his pals says you're easygoing and cool … and he'll appreciate your making an effort to get to know his boys.
Do you like watching the game? No? Doesn't matter. He will like it, so that's what counts. But remember, never ask him to go shopping with you and your friends. You might appreciate it, but he will just be bored, and it's all about him.

Not That: Cheer really loudly, chug beers, or tell off-color jokes.Let's put it this way: It's really hard for him to be sexually attracted to someone who reminds him of his buddies.
Heaven forbid you act like this. This behavior is strictly reserved for males only! We must stay in our feminine gender roles! Ladies can't chug beer and tell jokes. Well, they can, but it's nasty. And no guy will be attracted to you. You must be a dainty little lady.

Giving Him Gifts
Do This: Buy him tickets.Present him with two tickets to see his favorite team or band and you'll win major points for being thoughtful and creative.
Win major points? Anything to win major points with my man. This will make him like me more, right?

Not That: Get him a sweater.He gets plenty of clothes from his mom. And you don't want him to associate you with her, do you? Didn't think so.
This is will not win you major points. Does it matter that it was something you picked out yourself, because you were being thoughtful and thought he might like it? Nah. Doesn't matter. He won't appreciate it. Let his mom be the one to disappoint him. He wants tickets. He won't be happy with any other gift. And yes, this applies to all men.

Leaving Stuff at His Place
Do This: "Forget" your necklace.Leave behind a pretty, delicate piece of jewelry (such as a little gold necklace) and he'll think of you in similar terms every time he sees it.
Of course! We want our man to think of us as delicate piece of jewelry. And we want him to remember we exist. He will forget all about us the second we leave, unless...we purposely leave our belongings over so he's forced to remember that we were there.

Not That: Leave a toothbrush in his bathroom.An unsolicited toothbrush or other toiletry will give him the impression you're moving too fast — and may freak him out.
Ugh- we wouldn't want our man to think we desired a commitment or anything. We move as slow as he wants. He doesn't want to even think about committing to just one woman. That freaks him out. We'll wait for him. As long as he needs.

Sending Him Texts
Do This: Type "Last night was amazing. Repeat 2night?"Keeping your message short and provocative will ensure he stays totally intrigued.
Keeping your messages air-headed and shallow will definitely allure to him. And don't forget the sexual innuendos. Without those, he won't be interested. He likes his text messages like he likes his women- dumb and slutty.

Not That: Send a message that's more than two sentences.To him, texting is for quick communication. Sending him a novel is analogous to a droning phone call.
That's right- he's not interested in what's on your mind. He doesn't really care what you have to say. He just wants the two-liner, mindless, provocative texts. Anything longer than two lines is a novel to him. And it reminds him of those droning phone calls you two have- the ones where you talk about your life, he pretends to listen, and he wants to shoot his brains out. You would never want to subject him to such torture, right?

Displaying PDA
Do This: Give him a quick kiss.He'll feel proud in front of his buddies if you give him a subtly sexy signal, like pecking him on the cheek or holding on to his arm as you walk.
We must boost his ego in front of his buddies. It's our job.

Not That: Be all over him.Dudes want to appear tough in public, so if you're always sitting on his lap or trying to make out with him, he'll feel uncomfortable.
We should never expect affection in public from our man. It's not manly. He wants to be the big, masculine boyfriend, and this means acting like he's not really into you while in public. But he really does care. Just not in front of other people.

Wearing Lingerie
Do This: Wear a matching lace bra and underwear.Sets that come in white or pastel colors — think lavender or light pink — give him a little peek at what's in store while you still look feminine and innocent.
Men who care nothing about receiving clothing as gifts sure care a lot about what color your lingerie is. He would likely be disappointed if he saw you wearing a black bra and panties. He has his heart set on pastel pink, because that makes you look virginal and innocent- the way a good woman should look. Never mind those provocative 2-liner texts you sent him earlier. He forgot all about how sexual you were as soon as he saw your pink bra. You have successfully transformed yourself into an innocent virgin- just what he likes.

Not That: Wear something he needs an engineering degree to get off of you.Teddies and little nighties with ties, buckles, and bows are hot, but he'll be too busy trying to figure out how to get you out of it to notice how amazing you look.
Don't ever make your man work for it. It's all about easy access. He needs to be able to take it off quickly. The sooner you are naked, the better. Lingerie with ties is so complex, you can't expect him to be smart enough to figure it out. He's doesn't have an engineering degree, after all!

Visiting His Parents
Do This: Bring them something homemade.Showing up with freshly baked oatmeal-raisin cookies shows you spent time thinking about them instead of just swinging by the store. Plus, his mom will be thrilled her son's babe can bake.
Impressing his mother is a must! And she wants him to be with a domestic babe! Prove you are domestic and win her over. If you don't bake, you better start learning.

Not That: Bestow flowers or anything pricey.Fresh-cut flowers require the hostess to duck into the kitchen to arrange them, and over-the-top gifts (such as a crazy-expensive bottle of wine or a crystal vase) are, well, over the top.
Remember, his mother is like him. He doesn't appreciate the thought behind the gift, he only appreciates the gift if it's something he wants. His mother doesn't want anything over the top, she just wants baked goods that prove you are domestic, so she can comfortably accept the relationship. She wouldn't feel right about her son being with someone who doesn't bake.

Going Away for the Weekend
Do This: Go to the beach or the mountains.In the beginning of a relationship, take an adventure-based trip, like going surfing or snowboarding. The adrenaline rush will boost your bond, and a built-in activity safeguards against awkward downtime.
Aah, this one isn't too bad.

Not That: Check in to a sleepy bed and breakfast.Staring at each other over fresh coffee and croissants and going antiquing all day may sound romantic to you, but these kinds of esoteric activities bore most men to death.
OK, this is more like it. Back to the basics. Do everything he wants to do. But you want to go antiquing all day? Too bad. He doesn't want to, and we do what he wants, remember? We watch football on the couch with his friends, because that will please him. But don't expect him to do something you like. That's just rude and unladylike.

Women's liberation vs. sexual revolution

I've noticed there are two sides to the feminist coin. One side believes that women should not be treated like sex objects. Stripping, porn, and prostitution are all degrading acts that are for purposes of sexually pleasing men. And women are not male playthings. Women are whole people, not sexual entertainers. The pioneers of feminism subscribe to this belief. The Women's Liberation Movement in the 60's fought for female sexual liberation, but this didn't mean women kissing each other just so other men could get off. It meant revolting against conservative, traditional ideas of sex. It meant thinking about reproductive rights and gay rights and the idea that sex is natural, beautiful, and spiritual experience. And that people don't have to be married to have sex. And that sex is pleasurable, and women are allowed to enjoy sex.

Now, there is the other side, who also call themselves feminists, and are strong supporters of women's right to flaunt their sexuality. Women have the right to strip and sell sex. Women have the right to use their bodies for profit. Strong women are not afraid of sex. This is what a lot of modern day "feminists" subscribe to. Hugh Hefner considers himself a feminist.

The latter side is bogus. It's a sickening way to encourage women to please men, and call it "liberating." But what is liberating about grinding on men for money? What is liberating about having men look at you as a sex object? What is liberating about women doing everything under the sun to please men? (By this I mean: making coffee in bikinis, serving chicken wings in low cut tops, cutting men's hair in super tight clothes, cleaning men's houses in lingerie, playing football in lingerie, etc.) And what is liberating about women going to strip clubs to see other women selling themselves for male gratification? What is liberating about a man actually purchasing a woman's body, and sleeping with her for his own pleasure? Using her as a disposable object?

Women going to any length to please men is not liberation. It's repulsive. And it's sad that society has accepted and encouraged women to behave this way. When will women be treated as human beings, and not as sex toys? How did feminism get mixed up with satisfying men's sexual needs? How did strippers and prostitutes become the face of enlightened and empowered women?

Hello! These sexual acts are to please men! There is nothing feminist about that. Women don't need to be ashamed of their sexuality, but at the same time, women SHOULD NOT have to prove they are empowered and liberal by becoming a male sex toy. Women can be sexually liberated without being sex objects. Women who are against the objectification of women are not prudes- they are women of pride. They are real feminists.

The Bloodhound Gang thinks child slaves forced into stripping and prostitution is funny

A friend and I went to a karaoke bar about a week ago. As we were flipping through the song book, there was a page that listed all of the new songs that had just been recently added to the karaoke selection. On the page was a song we had never heard of- "Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying" by The Bloodhound Gang. As soon as we read the song title, we were shocked. How could this really be a song?

The title was SO offensive, I figured that the song couldn't actually be about strippers crying. I thought that it just had to be a random, offensive title, that was completely unrelated to what the song was about. I mean, who would actually write a song about strippers crying? And how would that song be so popular that it made it to karaoke right away?

I knew that this group had a track record of being disgusting, crude, and offensive. Their first single, "The Bad Touch," was laced with vulgar lines(i.e., "So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts"). And the name of their CD is "Hooray For Boobies." The group is basically very sophomoric, and these guyys probably flirt with girls by being mean to them, and they probably laugh when they hear the word boob.

Even though the group is low, I didn't think it was that low. No way would it write a song about lap dances being better when the stripper cries. No way would a record label even allow such a song to be released to the public, or even recorded in the first place. And no way would society embrace this song. There would have been a big uproar of some kind when this song was released if it was really about the entertainment one gets when strippers crying during lap dances.

So I decided to look up the lyrics, just to make sure.

Unfortunately, I had given everyone too much credit. The title is representative of what the entire song is about. And nobody seems to have a problem with this. WTF? What kind of a sick world am I living in?!?

Take a look at a few of the lyrics.

(chorus)
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."

Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?

WHAT? PEOPLE THINK THIS SONG IS FUNNY? Children working at strip clubs...having sex with men to buy baby food...children crying when they have to give adult men lap dances and grind the men against their will...men looking at the child stripper's "missing" picture on the back of a milk carton and masturbating to it...and an adult male saying, "I never thought missing children could be so sexy."

There is no possible way to defend this song, unless you are child molesting pervert that is seriously sick in the head.

If The Bloodhoung Gang ever comes to Seattle, I will be on the picket lines.

Note: If you are under the impression that I think this group is completely serious, read my comment.

I don't think there is a music video for this song (thank goodness), but you can listen to it here: