The Bloodhound Gang thinks child slaves forced into stripping and prostitution is funny

A friend and I went to a karaoke bar about a week ago. As we were flipping through the song book, there was a page that listed all of the new songs that had just been recently added to the karaoke selection. On the page was a song we had never heard of- "Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying" by The Bloodhound Gang. As soon as we read the song title, we were shocked. How could this really be a song?

The title was SO offensive, I figured that the song couldn't actually be about strippers crying. I thought that it just had to be a random, offensive title, that was completely unrelated to what the song was about. I mean, who would actually write a song about strippers crying? And how would that song be so popular that it made it to karaoke right away?

I knew that this group had a track record of being disgusting, crude, and offensive. Their first single, "The Bad Touch," was laced with vulgar lines(i.e., "So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts"). And the name of their CD is "Hooray For Boobies." The group is basically very sophomoric, and these guyys probably flirt with girls by being mean to them, and they probably laugh when they hear the word boob.

Even though the group is low, I didn't think it was that low. No way would it write a song about lap dances being better when the stripper cries. No way would a record label even allow such a song to be released to the public, or even recorded in the first place. And no way would society embrace this song. There would have been a big uproar of some kind when this song was released if it was really about the entertainment one gets when strippers crying during lap dances.

So I decided to look up the lyrics, just to make sure.

Unfortunately, I had given everyone too much credit. The title is representative of what the entire song is about. And nobody seems to have a problem with this. WTF? What kind of a sick world am I living in?!?

Take a look at a few of the lyrics.

(chorus)
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."

Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?

WHAT? PEOPLE THINK THIS SONG IS FUNNY? Children working at strip clubs...having sex with men to buy baby food...children crying when they have to give adult men lap dances and grind the men against their will...men looking at the child stripper's "missing" picture on the back of a milk carton and masturbating to it...and an adult male saying, "I never thought missing children could be so sexy."

There is no possible way to defend this song, unless you are child molesting pervert that is seriously sick in the head.

If The Bloodhoung Gang ever comes to Seattle, I will be on the picket lines.

Note: If you are under the impression that I think this group is completely serious, read my comment.

I don't think there is a music video for this song (thank goodness), but you can listen to it here: