I almost forgot what differentiates a mom from a monster, until I saw the cover of Us Weekly. Thank goodness for the before and after pictures of Kate Gosselin. It really cleared things up for me.
MOM: She is unattractive. She has no time to care for herself because she devotes her entire life to her children. She is completely selfless and can never do enough for her kids. She is overweight and frumpy.
MONSTER: She is attractive. She takes care of her physical appearance, even if it means taking some time for herself. She enjoys being stylish. She gets her hair cut and colored, wears make-up and accessories, and is in shape.
I am aware that there is more to this story than Kate's "makeover" (i.e., Kate is a monster because she fires staff members for irrational reasons and supposedly ignores her children). But what is the cover of this magazine actually saying about gender roles and motherhood? Two thirds of the cover is plastered with side by side images of Kate and a huge, yellow title reading, "MOM TO MONSTER". The first image, labeled "before," shows a picture of Kate looking out of shape and out of style. This image was taken before, when she was a "mom." The second image, labeled "after," shows a picture of Kate looking in shape and in style. This is how a "monster" looks. A "mom" would never care about her appearance.
The cover also claims that Kate has a sick obsession with her appearance. I suppose that's the purpose of the "after" picture. Hmm, a hair style and sunglasses...that is sick! Any mom who gets her hair styled and wears sunglasses is obviously a narcissistic, self-absorbed monster who is obsessed with her appearance. Real moms don't care about such things. Real moms only care about their children, and nothing else.
I find it completely inappropriate for Us Weekly to publish such a cover. If they want to call her a monster, so be it. For all I know, she might be the meanest person in the world. And she might be a terrible mother. And she might actually be totally obsessed with her looks. (But if Kate wearing sunglasses with a modern hairstyle is the best example of her being obsessed with her appearance, that's sad. Quite a stretch.)
HOWEVER, the cover simply perpetuates gender roles of mothers. The magazine clearly, and purposefully, labels the frumpy picture as "mom" and the stylish picture as "monster." When someone walks by and glances at the cover, this is the message they will get: ugly woman was a good mom; attractive woman is a monster. And that's exactly the message the magazine wants to send. They couldn't have made it any clearer.
This cover reminds me of a chapter in He's a Stud, She's a Slut. And 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know, by Jessica Valenti. The chapter is titled He's Superdad, She's Shittymom. It really pinpoints what society expects a mother to be. Valenti writes, "Moms can never really do enough. They can never be too selfless, too devoted, or too giving....They can never be perfect- though that's what society demands of them."
Valenti also cites the book The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined Women, by Susan J. Douglas and Meredith W. Michaels. Douglas and Michaels refer to the the impossible-to-meet standards for mothers as "new momism." They write, "...to be a remotely decent mother, a woman has to devote her entire physical, psychological, emotional, and intellectual being, 24/7, to her children." Us Weekly obviously subscribes to this belief.
The chapter is really about the parenting double standard. Women are expected to do everything, and give everything, for their children. Anything less would make her a bad mom. But men can show up to a couple of baseball games or read a few bedtime stories, and they are great dads.
Take another look at the cover, and pretend that Jon Gosselin was the subject. His before picture was of him being overweight and outdated- just generally unattractive. This image would be considered him looking like a "dad." And the after picture would be him with a hairstyle, wearing sunglasses, and looking healthy. This image would be him as a "monster."
That cover wouldn't make sense. Because a good father can be attractive. It's socially acceptable. Nobody expects men to sacrifice their entire lives to his kids. Nobody expects men to let themselves go in the name of their children.
And look at the subtitles, and apply them to Jon:
"Fired 40 staff members in 3 months" --- I can already hear it now: What a good dad. He really cares about the welfare of his children and will only tolerate the best. His children are so important and precious to him, he is extremely picky about the staff he hires to help out. He only wants the best for his children. After all, you can never be too careful.
"Stayed out at dinner while son went to the emergency room" Men, and probably women, would be hurling excuses left and right: Well, I'm sure his mother was with him. It was probably just something minor, and it wasn't necessary to be there. It could have been a very important business dinner, and he couldn't just leave. He rarely gets a night out, and the mom was taking care of it. I bet he didn't even know his son was in the ER until after he was done with dinner.
"Sick obsession with money, freebies, & his appearance" Men are allowed all of these things. Being obsessed with money makes a man successful and a hard worker. Being obsessed with freebies makes him practical. Being obsessed with his appearance makes him handsome, desirable, and the complete package. In fact, an obsession with all three of these things would make him a good catch. A perfect dad- successful, practical, and handsome. A monster wouldn't be any of these things.
Could it be that Kate is now a "monster" because she is acting too much like a man? Is her behavior only acceptable for a father? Should she get back in the kitchen and bake something for her family? Stop caring about money and appearance and concentrate on all things domestic?
I would also like to point out just one more thing- Jon is alleged to be cheating on Kate. Somehow, the media has taken Jon's side and says Kate drove him to it. He's unfaithful, but it's her fault. Of course. A man can't be to blame for anything.
